Everything Looks Perfect From Far Away


So I embarked on a love affair with a cardigan. It all started in November when I saw it winking at me from the shop window. I mean really, it had sequins. White with silver sequins on the shoulders. It was going to be the key feature of my Christmas outfit and it would go perfectly with my black dresses. I’d wear it to work on Christmas Eve and be all “oh this old thing” as opposed to “I have been planning this outfit in my head for weeks, please don’t judge me.” In fact it was going to pull double duty and make an appearance at Christmas dinner too.

Everyone else seems to be doing the Christmas jumper thing, it’s “in” apparently, but not me sir, no, I am rocking the Christmas CARDIGAN. Spreading the cheer as my sequins shimmer and sparkle. Just the right amount of glitter.

It took me a while before I had time to purchase it. I passed it daily on the bus to work, I could check on it, but then one day it was gone from the window! Had it sold out? Of course it had, it was perfect! But then on Christmas Eve I summoned my remaining ounce of hope: maybe they just changed the display, perhaps they still had one, surely it would be a Christmas miracle; Tiny Tim would probably wipe a tear from his eye. So I went to the shop and what do you know they still one and it was my size! It was meant to be! Here finally was the moment I’d been waiting for, I got to the dressing room, pulled the curtain shut, tried it on, turned to face the mirror and it was… it was…  terrible. It did not fit in any way. There was all this excess material and the sleeves, the sleeves! These sleeves are for people with crazy ridiculous long arms. These people do not exist. I mean they were so long that only this guy would fit it and I’m not sure it’s really his style. Image Probably clash with his hat.

Maybe he could lend it to this lady?

ImageBecause of my lack of cartoon arms, suddenly I had no Christmas cardie. Maybe Tiny Tim would weep now.

So I write this for everyone who ever looked at a “perfect” piece of clothing in a shop display or a magazine and fantasized about it for weeks and weeks and then “… this material looked different from a distance… it’s meant to be worn like what… and this would fit who exactly… but it looked so good in Cosmo… ” What can I say, I feel ya. You are not alone.

I want you to know I’m ok though, I moved on with my new Christmas JUMPER! What? They’re in…

(The title for this blog comes from a lyric from The Postal Service track: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wrsZog8qXg )